Freebie excuse list to make things easier for those who have lives

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Note: This blog is not aimed at one author or group of authors in particular. It’s simply a collection of three years’ worth of observation and hella fascinating on why people do and say the things they do verses owning their failures. I’m aware that some of these excuses were real and valid but that’s not generally the case in my experience.
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Excuses are like assholes. That’s what they say. Everyone has one. Unless, of course, your dog ate yours or you just got evicted or that pesky terminal illness you have had more than three dozen times and just barely escaped has crept back in. Whelp. Yes. Excuses are like assholes.
Between box sets I’m involved with, running a publishing company, and even co writing, I am pretty sure I’ve heard them all. But writers are a creative bunch. The fictional tales—often rooted in reality—I’ve heard for reasons people can’t make deadlines or honor commitments are nothing short of genius. Annoying? For sure. Because excuses are not something I make many of. At the same time, I think they warrant a blog of their own.
Excuses I have seen and heard in the three years I’ve been in indie world:

• I’m moving. Apparently authors move every three weeks.
• My mother’s dying. She died last week too.
• My grandmother died. Okay, maybe. If she didn’t die last week too.
• My dog ate my laptop. True story and a spin on the original classic of the dog chewing homework.
• I had visitors.
• It’s the holidays.
• I have friends.
• I have a life. (Because no other writers who are depending on you do too).
• My kids are sick. Yep. Kids get sick. They also go to sleep.
• I was in an accident. Was the accident for the six months before your deadline or just the day of?
• I forgot. Hey, you’re honest?
• I didn’t feel like it. Yes. Because all authors feel like it all the time. None of us would rather fall down a YouTube rabbit hole ever. It’s only you. But, yep. You’re honest too.
• I got a new job.
• I’m depressed.
• I have anxiety.
• I’m getting divorced.
• I got called in to work.
• I can’t take the stress of deadlines. Yet you signed up for a project and had months to work on it where a deadline would not be an issue.
• I’m not good at this. Whelp. Maybe not.
• I have writer’s block. Suck it up, buttercup. Welcome to author life.
• I have food poisoning.
• I have (insert anything you can find on Web MD) disease.
• I’m on disability.
• I’m in pain.
• I broke (insert limb or appendage). (But prepare to watch same said person active online).
• My computer broke.
• My computer got a virus.
• I lost my flash drive.
• Word ate my MSP.
• My friend needed me.
• My kids needed me.
• My spouse needed me.
• My spouse is dying or has (insert) disease.
• I have financial problems.
• I’m not good at deadlines.
• I can’t find (insert item clearly needed to write).
• I lost internet.
• I lost electricity.
• There was a storm.
• People are mean to me.
• I’m uncomfortable.
• I can’t.
• I wanted to…
• It’s too hard.
• I probably should have…
• It wasn’t good enough so I deleted it.
• I don’t like self editing.
• I don’t know how to format without a choose your own adventure font situation so I decided not to do it.

 
Shall I continue? I would, but I mean, my mother is dying and there isn’t much more room to write in chalk on my neighbor’s driveway since my eviction. I should probably stop here because it’s not good enough and my dog needs surgery because of my laptop he ate but I don’t really need it since I don’t have electricity and am on hospice care and destined to be dead before release anyway. If I was good enough I would have it done because my idea to finish this was epic. Instead of making adjustments, I’ll just make excuses because accountability gives me anxiety too. I hoped you enjoyed what I did get done of this blog because at least it can be a go-to guide for the next time a writer needs an excuse. As for me? I’ll work on my issues and try to remember that I’m an asshole too. ;-)