Hello, sweet Thing. I hope this letter finds you in the best of spirits. I miss you so much, love. A little under two weeks. I know you don’t like talking about it, but if they do kill me? Don’t worry, love. I’ll never really leave. Look at Momma. She’s been dead for years and still won’t leave. It’ll be like that with me.
Got your letter about the weed. Also, the package from our friend. Gummies. Interesting. I wonder what you think of them? Sweet – like you. But sort of, I don’t know, bland? What do you think? Anyway, I think it’s a great idea. You could use my truck or yours. I’m sad to hear they’re giving you shit about the margaritas. I mean, it’s a taco truck. That’s the trouble with the law. They’re bored, I swear.
You ever wonder if these cops got beat up? I mean, what makes a guy say they want to spend their days narkin’ on good people like you and me? And I’m not judging – don’t get me wrong. Not like I didn’t get shit in school for my stuttering. But really. Just remember that, sweet Candy. Bruno was probably the kid in school other kids gave swirlies to. Probably got beat up and sat alone at lunch. Not saying that wasn’t me, but you didn’t see me take it out on society. Hell, I just wanted to be left alone. Not my fault Shelia and the others steered me all wrong.
But enough about me. I hope Momma’s left you alone. She promised me she would but I believe her the same way my lawyers believe me about what really went down with Thing Fifteen. It ain’t easy when all a man’s got is his word. And when your word comes on the back of a movin’ ice cream morgue? Well, it ain’t much.
I don’t like the way Bruno smiles when he talks about you. Watch that one – I’m tellin’ ya. You’re the only girl for me. If I catch wind of him messing with my Candy? Well, let’s just say the shower scene will get a little messy. I ain’t got nothing left to lose but you. I hope he sees it. If he doesn’t, can you please remind him? Probably not a good time for me to be threatening the law.
Be a good girl. Can you do that for Jimmie? I know you can. I miss you. You looked so goddammed good when you came and visited me. Wanted to pop those things right out of your shirt and suck on them like candy. But you knew that. I love how you tease me. I’ll be waiting for your letter and another visit, Candy. Remember, sweet Thing, you and that heart of yours belong to Jimmie. Take care of it. I don’t like my Things broken. Watch yourself.
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Erin Lee, who also writes as EL George, is a USA Today Bestselling multi genre author unafraid to chase the madness. Author of more than 100 titles and creator of Crazy Ink Publishing, LLC, she'll try anything once and never turns down a dare.